How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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