the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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