I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
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We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
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I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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