Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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