THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
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Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
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You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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