I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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