dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize