So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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