Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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