A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
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It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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