Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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