I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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