There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
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I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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