im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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