I'm eating all of the evidence.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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