Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize