Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
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red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
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Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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