his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
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I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
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She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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