I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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