Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize