I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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