Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize