Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
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I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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