Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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