I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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