I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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