can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Michael Bay diarrhea
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize