just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
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