you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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