11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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