i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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