Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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