I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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