i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize