What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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