So drunk its hurt
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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