He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
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It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
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You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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