life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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