if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
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My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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