I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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