I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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