There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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