i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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