Define "chronic" masturbator.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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