I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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