just tell him i said nine months
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
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You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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