So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize