And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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