We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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