One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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